Most Deadly

Ramen-Nom Phenomenon

2011-02-27T07:43:00.000-05:00

New video. It's about ramen noodles. Enjoy.

Busy Busy

2011-02-17T21:15:00.003-05:00

Jesse and I have been mad busy in the studio. Here's some shit to watch and listen too that we've messed around on until we get some real shit up:

This will get you dancing: Bowling Alley Dance Party

This is our first music video:

Testing out the new lens on my camera:

Some goofy shit in front of a green screen:

There. Now shut up.

Torrents

2011-01-05T02:33:00.003-05:00

Hey Bittorrent clients:

Stop fucking with me.

No, I don't want to pay for certain shitty and poorly marketed films. I will gladly buy a movie on DVD/Blu-Ray if you do the following:

1. Market the film to me as a consumer
2. Make it interesting, no matter how small the budget
3. Craft a film that I will eventually hear about it through the word-of-mouth that my friends provide

20 years ago I would have seen anything that was advertised on television. Today? No.

I have Netflix. I closely watch coming-soon.net and aintitcoolnews.com

Make me want to see your movie. If you don't? Torrentz.

On the menu now?

FUNNY GAMES (Yes I've seen the original).

Let us see how this plays out.

So far I know one thing: Naomi Watts has never been a decent actress. Mulholland Dr., 21 Grams, King Kong & The Ring.

Will she amaze me? (no).

I just watched Henry: Portrait of A Serial Killer last night. Don't try to impress me, film.

I Can't Think Of A Clever Title Today

2011-01-04T14:34:00.004-05:00

Here we are in a new year.

What are your resolutions? No, I mean your REAL resolutions. Not the 'I wanna quit smoking, I wanna eat healthier' shit. Everyone has that. What can you individualize?

'I don't want to have such painful shits!'

'I am going to try not to kill as many homeless people as I did last year!'

Those are the resolutions that I'm talking about.

Mine?

Well, I guess the best to start off with is to stop getting in trouble with the law.

Nothing big, but it seems like every few weeks a taillight is going out on my car. That was getting me pulled over only to find out I forgot to get my emissions checked and that has caused my registration to be suspended.

I was pulled over 8 times last year:

Twice (within 5 minutes) for a headlight being out
4 times for a rear light being out (different one each time: brake and tail on each side)
Once because I hurt my knee and the cop thought I was drunk when walking to my car
Once in North Carolina for going 75 in a 50 when everyone around me was going 80

No more! I'm going to be an upstanding citizen when on the road! Or I will do my best not to get caught!

I just found out earlier tonight that a good friend of mine passed away. His name was Ben Stone. It got me thinking about all of the dumb shit that I've been concerning myself with over the past few months. Rather than let this have a negative effect on me I am choosing to honor Ben's memory by getting off of my ass and doing something. He no longer has the opportunities that I am presented with, so I will increase my own zeal for life in his stead.

Time to get crackin', people!

New Year's Eve Shit

2010-12-31T21:30:00.003-05:00

Well, I hope you have had an enjoyable 2010. It was a busy year for me. As I said before, I got engaged, my dad went off of chemo, I've smoothed out some of the rough patches with my finances as well as some tumultuous relationships I've had with people. I've secured all of the equipment and materials that I need to get back into video production so I no longer have any excuses when it comes to putting out material. Everything is in its right place.

This upcoming year has a lot of potential. I'll be getting married in October, followed by a sweet honeymoon. More money will be coming in from work and I'll have more time to spend with friends and family. Maybe more time to update this blog. We'll see.

Have a great 2011 everyone. We deserve it.

Christmas Eve Shit

2010-12-24T17:12:00.002-05:00

Hi. Been busy. Got engaged. Wedding planning stuff. You know, shit that people do.

So, I haven't updated this since Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was about to be released in theatres. Now I have it on Blu-Ray. What an asshole I am.

I actually have some shit to post on here now, so get ready. If anyone is still reading after 6 months.

Merry Christmas, fuckers.

No, that's not mine. I'm not that clever.

Back like a vertebrae

2010-06-01T01:02:00.003-04:00

What the fuck is up Bloglets?

Sorry for taking a month-long hiatus, but I have a real life. I don't answer to you.

What a crazy fucking month, right? LOST is over. 24 is over. Law & Order is over. Shit's weak.

The website has certainly been seeing a lot of visitors. Too bad it doesn't look like it in the goddamned comments department. Oh well. I guess real people coming up to me at random intervals of the day and telling me they like our songs is good enough... Actually, fuck that. Go post some comments. I'll think very highly of you!

I apologize in advance for how sporadic this post will be. I felt the need to post something and am quite sleep deprived. It's only going to get worse. We're looking at 110 hour paychecks here soon. Plus turnaround. That'll be nice for the fleeting moments I'll have to enjoy all of the money I'm just going to use to pay bills. Fucking hell.

Have you seen the new Scott Pilgrim vs. The World trailer yet?

I wasn't interested at first, but G.D. this looks pretty cool.

Also, AMC has a project coming out (hopefully soon) that might be a one series thing, maybe something better, called 'The Walking Dead'. It's being developed by Frank Darabont, the same guy responsible for the best of the Stephen King movies (Green Mile, The Mist, Shawshank). He also directed an episode of 'The Shield'. Plus 100 for Frank.

Here's a link to check it out:

BRAINS

Aside from these things, Wu-Tang has a new album coming out. Buzz Buzz. Make sure to pick up a copy, because RZA is full of knowledge and beats that your ears need to get cleaned out with.

Netflix & Arbor Day

2010-04-30T09:50:00.002-04:00

wtfisthisnoise.com has a new song up on it about how awesome Netflix is for watching movies with boobies in them. All done in one take, and boy does it show. My phone rang in the middle of the record, but that didn't stop it from being a damn good take.

'Alright, fine then. We'll watch some boobies.'

Aside from that awesome, today is Arbor Day. What the fuck is this shit? Didn't we just have Earth Day? Don't get me wrong, I like living on the planet and all of that shit, but I get enough grief about not being able to set things on fire whenever I want or throw copious amounts of pollutants out my car window every day. I recycle, I don't burn most of my trash, I got my car emissions tested because they told me I wouldn't be able to drive if I didn't, so I am sure as shit not going out today and taking time out of my very busy nap to plant a tree.

Judge me if you want, but when that tree that you're planting is grown, you'll be dead and I'll also be taking an eternal power nap. You should INSTEAD plant some corn or some shit. Something that you can eat when a few months have passed. That way when October rolls around, you can take a bite of that corn (that hopefully someone else watered, because you'd be taking Arbor Day too far into Arbor Month-Or-So) and be like 'fuck yeah, that's good corn. Go me for planting this shit back on Arbor Day." If you just plant a tree, maybe you can tell your kids to visit it after you die and to remember that time you wasted planting it. It'll be a day that they can tell their kids about. Maybe they can all go back on Arbor Day together and remember.

I'm just kidding. I'm going to plant the shit out of some trees today. And corn. Lots and lots of corn.

Ramen-Nom Phenomenon & Black Magic

2010-04-23T01:00:00.003-04:00

There are two new songs up over at www.wtfisthisnoise.com that were just finished yesterday!

One is about how great it is to have magic powers, the other is all about the wonders of Ramen noodles.

You want chicken? Well I've got beef
with anyone who doesn't share my Ramen beliefs

Seriously. Do NOT fuck with me on the Ramen noodle tip. I'm mad serious when it comes to this shit.

Lucky fucking Japanese noodle bath-takers...

幸運なとても日本のヌードルの浴室受け手。

(I like the literal translation of that even more...)

Why The Face?

2010-04-20T02:47:00.002-04:00

Genius:

Limbo

2010-04-20T02:16:00.004-04:00

I'm back like a vertebrae.

These last few weeks have been pretty interesting, so much so that I had forgotten about this blog. Sorry blog, you look malnourished. Let me feed you some truth.

After Chris' funeral, we held a memorial service for him, which I filmed for his parents who were unable to make it. After really taking some time on the video and putting all of the necessary effort into it, I started realizing that it has been a long ass time since I've really worked on editing and producing videos. It used to be something that I did frequently. Stupid shit here and there, like combining certain scenes from movies to make a new plot or making a music video about how awesome it is to be Batman. I don't know, it filled my spare time.

So now, aside from working copious amounts of hours a week, I've been getting back into it. I bought a new set up for my editing suite, got back into hanging out with people who spark my creativity and later today Jesse and I will be finishing up some songs and posting them at www.wtfisthisnoise.com.

The only thing that has kind of been a pain in the ass is my sleep schedule. Jesus H.C.

I sleep an average of 3-4 hours a night now, and rarely consecutively. I'll work on editing or writing then forget that I have even finished a video. It's very Fight Club.

I'm going to try to get back into posting on here as frequently as possible. Not that it really matters for the overall benefit of mankind, but I know there are a few of you out there reading this and enjoying some of the bizarre shit that I post.

Onward & upward.

Videos of the Day!

Rattle, rattle, thunder, clatter, boom, boom, boom... Don't worry Juggernaut's here bitch!

To My Dear Friend

2010-03-18T01:35:00.004-04:00

This past Monday (03/15/10) I learned of the passing of a close friend of mine.

John Christopher Hutchison.

It was one of those days where everything seemed inconsequential. Get up, go to work, come home, nap, etc.

It was, in fact, not one of those days.

I'm not sure what to feel or write.

I need to type something in order to get it out there. Somewhere. Somewhere into this void known as the internet.

I miss my friend. My very dear friend who I've spent a large chunk of my life with.

I'm sitting here in front of my computer trying to find words that, when put together, make sense of the way that I feel.

To start, I have spent the last 2 1/2 months not drinking, just because I felt the necessity to do so.

Tonight I drank.

I supped upon imbibements that I swore off, based on the nature of the situation at hand.

Chris just turned 28. I've known him since grade school. We were close. We talked every other day about the dumbest things that could be discussed. We went to movies together. He was bound to a wheelchair, but it did not hold back his zest or lust for life.

I might have the eloquence to convey my thoughts of him, but I, at the moment, do not. I am too sad.

If you, as a reader of this blog, were a friend of Chris', you already know. If not... well, I am sorry that you never had the chance to meet and know him.

I will miss my great friend. I will try to live by examples of his love for his friends and family. I will help his friends go on, as well as I will go on with my days.

Tomorrow, we in terr him, in the same memorial garden as my Grandfather. We will follow this event with pizza and beer, talks of how stupid people suck, and the Ravens going on to win another Super Bowl. Because that is what he would have wanted.

We will miss you, Lil Luda.

You are in my heart always.

Eh Eh, Eh Eh.

;)

Godzuki

2010-03-11T02:21:00.002-05:00

Got a new kitten yesterday from a friend of ours who works for the ASPCA. She's a maine coon from what I can guess.

Let me hip you to some shit:

She was thrown out of a moving car on I-95 a few weeks ago, then hit by a second and dragged up into the wheel well of that car. When we got her, she smelled awful and was terrified of everything: people, doors opening, computer noises... name it.

Now, I am certain that there is a God for one reason alone: I have never seen a person harm an animal in a manner such as that. If I ever did, I'd probably be in jail because I'd beat them to within an inch of their life. Adult, child, male or female. You just don't do that shit. Since I haven't seen it, God must exist and not want me to exact my righteous justice on those sadistic pieces of shit.

All of last night I spent trying to coax this cat out of her hiding spot behind my bookshelf. When I finally did, she buried her face in my arms and sounded like she was crying. A cat, making people noises. Fuck you, it happened. After she was comfortable enough to let me hold her for a while, she ran off to hide again.

This morning I tried to introduce her to our other cat. MISTAKE.

Our other cat is queen of this apartment and she lets everyone know it. She tried to let our new kitten know it too. New kitten put up with the growling, but as soon as she was hissed at... well, shit. She chased our other cat around the apartment, hissing noises that I believe translated to "FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I WILL FUCKING WRECK YOU!!!"

It was hilarious to watch.

It was not hilarious to try to corral the young one, especially while wearing pajama pants and my favorite hoodie. Ouch.

After separating them and heading to work, my girlfriend came home and proceeded to bathe the shitty one. By the time I got home, she was nicely nestled in her bed, obviously much happier to not smell of shit.

I picked her up and held her in my lap, scratching behind her ears and making sure she was as comfortable as could be. Within a few minutes she was purring loudly and nuzzling my face as if nothing bad had ever happened to her. It kinda made me want to cry, knowing that some shit-eating fuckwad out there could just toss this loving baby out of their window like an errant cigarette butt. The proof was right there: animals don't hold grudges and will love you back unconditionally if you just make them feel safe.

I got to pick this one's name.

Godzuki.
(a.k.a. - Minya, Minilla)

Fuck yeah that's an awesome name.

Fuck yeah it's because I love Godzilla movies.

Mall Cops

2010-02-25T05:08:00.003-05:00

I just did a double feature of 'Observe And Report' and 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'. As you can probably guess, O.A.R. is the vastly superior film. Also, both are identical, just having different target audiences.

Both are films revolving around a security figure of high ranking... in a mall.

Both are about a real crime being committed... in a mall.

Both main characters strive to be real police officers because they realize that they work... in a mall.

Both figures eventually decline the role of Police Officer to stay where they really belong... in a mall.

Both get the girl who happens to work... in a mall.

Both are threatened by figures of actual authority who do not work... in a mall.

Differences:

Kevin James saves the day in a family friendly way as Paul Blart. All while making light of the tribulations of having hypoglycemia.

Seth Rogan (as Ronnie Barnhardt) shoots a man who's penis is dangling about in a makeup department, then tells some cops to go fuck themselves. All while wearing sweat pants.

There was definitely no winning when it came to choosing the order in which I watched these movies. On one hand, I could have watched PB: MC first to get the goofy-ass family movie half-chuckles out of the way, then balanced it all out with a depraved, coke snorting, bi-polar bender of cinematic awesome.

On the other, I decided that just in case Seth Rogan was at a 'Taxi Driver'-esque mania that might distort my perception of the world in minute ways that would slip past me unnoticed, I watched 'Observe And Report' first. I was left with the terrible reminder of movies such as 'Daddy Day Care' and 'Hitch', of which each shares the same director and actor, respectively.

Oh, and what's this? Steve Carr, director of 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' is the director taking the helm of the 'Short Circuit' remake coming out next year. Fuck yeah. Let's remake that.

All in all, two not terrible films, of which I enjoyed 'Observe And Report' much more.
Ten-fold more. To the nth degree.

Quick note:

I'm thinking back on 'The House of the Devil' more and more and realizing that it left me a little unnerved. I'm pretty surprised by that and a bit taken aback, since no movie really resonates with me long enough to have a lasting effect on me. I think that I'm willing to overlook some of the idiosyncrasies and just enjoy it for what it is. A great movie with a shitty ending.

Also, they're making a sequel to Zoolander. I'm not lying, and you should be happy.

The House of the Devil Pt. 2

2010-02-24T04:30:00.002-05:00

:sigh:

I'm getting a little tired of having to appreciate movies for the 'good effort'.

Don't get me wrong, this did end up being a pretty awesome piece of cinema, especially it's ability to mimic late 70's - early 80's quality of film. The acting was great, set design and costuming made it feel like a gem that I had missed in my video store's budget bin, and the cinematography was fucking amazing. The problem was that by trying not to be cliche, it became cliche. That sounds like such a douchey thing to say...

O.k., what I mean is that by thinking of ideas that aren't typically used in horror movies ("What if we show it from so-and-so's perspective?", "What if she doesn't survive?") they are treading into territory that every other filmmaker has tried already as of late.

I was enthralled until the last 10 minutes of the film, which is what the entire rest of the movie is building mood for. There are slight glimpses into where the film will go (not foreshadowing - I know the difference) after you have a very vague idea of the overall picture. The tiny teases that you experience while watching are enough. You start to make up your own story. The madness comes from not knowing everything and only seeing flashes of horrific possibilities instead of being shown exactly what is happening at all times.

Biggest complaint (SPOILERS):

The lead character blows her fucking brains out, but at the end is in a hospital bed and is told she'll be just fine. You can tell that was put in at the determination of test audiences who didn't like an earlier cut of the film. Fuck test audiences. The same damned thing happened to Paranormal Activity.

"This ending is too dark, change it so I can let my kids watch it. This 'R' rated film. Not intended for children."

Anyway, back to complaining. I know that you can sustain a gunshot wound to the head and survive, based on what, if any, part of the brain was hit. However, when you put a .45 caliber pistol to the right side of your head and blow chunks of your brain out of the left side... well, that shit is just fucking impossible.

If you want to watch a decent horror movie that reminds you of the ones your grandmother used to make, rent 'The House of the Devil'. If you don't, go fuck yourself.

The House of the Devil

2010-02-24T03:40:00.002-05:00

I've decided to write a brief take on this movie before it has the opportunity to either amaze or dissappoint me. I'm about 45 minutes into it and thoroughly pleased already.

Precursor:

I love vintage horror films, either classics from Universal or the more experimental horror films that began in the early 70's. There is a certain sophistication to a hororr movie that doesn't pander to it's audience and lets them take what they will from it rather than force shitty dialogue and over-emphasized plot devices down throats. Allow a movie time to build a tone or a mood and you'll be surprised with the feelings that you walk away from it with.

So far, this movie has spent.... 48 minutes now, building a sense of dread and setting for me as a viewer. I was almost lulled into an uncomfortable-ness with some of the characters being put into certain scenarios, and just as I started trusting the movie to take the reigns... well...

SPOILERS

The plot is about a girl named Samantha who is about to move into a new apartment (where the Landlady is Dee Wallace Stone from Cujo and The Howling). She is in a kind of pathetic dorm-life situation with a slutty roomate, so she decides to hit the campus to look for job prospects. To get to the nitty gritty, she finds a flyer for a babysitting gig, calls the number, gets the gig. Her friend drives her out to the place, tells her that the people are creepy and that even though she is making quadruple the amount first promised, the people are liars. They don't even have a child, it's an elderly woman that she would be 'sitting'.

O.k., that's a good start. The friend leaves, pulls off into a graveyard to light her cigarette, can't find it, pushes in the car lighter and waits. This is when another college-aged looking guy pops into the window and asks if she needs a light. She's obviously a little creeped out by this dude hanging out in the graveyard at night. He lights her cigarette, she calms down, he asks if she's the babysitter, she says no. Then he SHOOTS HER IN THE FACE.

This is the first time in years that I've been watching a movie and actually said 'Holy shit' out loud due to my surprise.

It's usually around this point in a movie where I either start to distrust it and call it out on plot holes and the like, or I am completely engrossed. I'm giving 'The House of the Devil' 10 out of 10. For the first half. Let's just see what happens in the last half hour.

Um... What?

2010-02-23T05:13:00.002-05:00

I just finished watching Predator 2 (don't ask me why... I really don't know) and decided to go on das web zone to see if there were any behind the scenes shenanigans or cut scenes from this fucking winner.

Much to my surprise:

Sometimes, someone up there smiles a great big smile and hands us trinkets of happy just like this.

(Also, AVATAR is just Ferngully/Dances With Wolves in space. With really good 3D. And really bad writing.)

The Best Ad of The Super Bowl

2010-02-09T02:31:00.002-05:00

The first seven seconds of this made me almost cry from laughing so hard.

"Hee!"

The guy's name is Brandon Moynihan. Quite the funny guy, him.

Live Action Role Playing

2010-01-29T03:19:00.001-05:00

...is for nerds. This trailer makes the potential for mayhem resulting from live action role playing look AWESOME.

http://twitchfilm.net/news/2010/01/let-the-wild-hunt-begin.php

Better than 'Role Models', anyway.

DEXTER

2010-01-27T05:25:00.002-05:00

My new favorite show. The writing and acting is amazing.

I filled the void that 'Deadwood' left with 'The Shield'. Now that void is filled with Dexter. Unfortunately, I already know how this season ends, which is what got me interested in the show in the first place.

Neighbors

2010-01-19T23:44:00.003-05:00

11:44 p.m. on a Tuesday night.

I'm sitting here in my studio, down the hall from my bedroom where my sick girlfriend is attempting to sleep. Now, before I begin, let me make clear that we are currently residing in an apartment complex. Many irritating things go on in an apartment complex, especially one that allows dogs. You have your typical shit: aforementioned canines barking and running through the halls, overly excited about the potential for outside poopage, obnoxious assholes stealing the parking lot you spent the entire morning clearing out before a 10 minute trip to the store, maintenance men showing up in the middle of the day when you are in the shower and just letting themselves in without notice to fix things that aren't broken - you know, typical shit.

I'm o.k. with all of those things. I expect them and can live comfortably with their mild inconveniences. What I cannot stand is people not knowing the volume of their fucking televisions. Most apartment complexes have all of the apartments in one building laid out the same way, but mirrored. The bathrooms share a wall, the kitchens share a wall, the laundry rooms share a wall, and the bedrooms share a wall. Our neighbor doesn't seem to understand that. Now, we've been living here for four months, our neighbor just moved in a few weeks ago. He seems like an average single dude: works nights, orders delivery, plays video games on his giant flatscreen T.V.

My problem is this: At 11:00 p.m. on weeknights the noise ordinance kicks in. He does not seem to want to accept this fact. My lady and I are very understanding individuals. You can do whatever you want until 11:00, even though I get up for work some mornings at 3:00 a.m. (I work the swing shift) and she gets up at 5:30 a.m.

Over the past few weeks, our neighbor seems to have been pushing his boundaries, seeing what he can get away with volume-wise. Understandable... you want to know how thiick the walls are so you know how hard you can party. We've dealt with thos just fine because usually his T.V. is off around 10:45 p.m., or at least turned down.

Not tonight. Oh no. Tonight it was loud enough to rattle glasses in the bedroom. I gave a friendly rap on the wall to signify "Hey buddy, you've hit the threshold. Let's give it a rest."

That worked.

For roughly 5 minutes. Then the sound increased to levels beyond what a normal neighbor would be o.k. with ever. I mean a neighbor of a NASA launch site. So again, I knocked on the wall. The sound decreased. Maybe he was trying to determine if he heard some sort of protest.

10 more minutes went by. Then louder again. By this point I was here in the studio and heard very loud pounding on the wall. I arose with a start to see what was the matter. My girlfriend was using some mental chokehold on our neighbor, shutting him the fuck up with some ability that I was unfamiliar with at a level of could-give-a-fuck-ness that I couldn't muster.

As I finish this up, the time has reached 12:10 a.m. and there is no amount of mouse-stirring in the entire complex.

Welcome To The Future, Bitch.

2010-01-13T15:03:00.002-05:00

I'm going to increase my efforts to update this blog with some frequency this year.

So, what up peeps? Enjoying those failed resolutions? Not me. I've stuck with every single one so far. I quit smoking, drinking, I exercise daily, I'm eating healthier and doing a Hell of a lot more to improve my relationships with friends and family.

I started thinking about the fact that now we're really in the future. What were the sequels to most video games in the 1980's? ______ 2010

It is fucking 2010. The year we make contact.

Time to get up and on it, awesome style.

Here, enjoy some humor to start off your year, 13 days deep:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Year In Review

2009-12-31T03:54:00.003-05:00

Well, my babies...

Here's hoping that you've all had a great year.

As this is my BLAGH, I will summarize my year.

1. My father has beaten cancer for a full year and I am fucking elated beyond words to still have him. I would have killed to keep him in my life, and by God's grace I didn't have to.

2. My girlie and I moved to a new place with heat and nice fixtures and no fucking chemicals leaking through the ducts to poison us in our sleep.

3. Jesse & I started a new project (www.wtfisthisnoise.com) and are in the midst of building it to something great, so watch your asses.

4. I've kept my job, and though I appreciate that fact, I have lost some great friends along the way. Emily, Jason, Oliver, Brett, Claire, Mary Beth, Mary Beth (yeah, MB2), Terry, Vince, Leonard, Sandy, Norm, Brock, Timm, Amy, and more names than I could type. You guys were my second family and I will miss the fucking shit out of you.

5. Gary Gemski. God Bless you brother. You fought a hard battle with that fucking cancer, and it may have beaten you, but I swear to God we will remember you always. You'll never know the legacy that you left behind or the impact that you made on all of us. Rest in peace, brother. You deserve a break.

To all of you reading this, please kick 2009 to the fucking curb like an errant stick of dog shit in your way, and welcome 2010 like the future that you so rightfully deserve. I'll see you all in John Conner-land.

Best 'Fuck you, normalcy' I've seen all year:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=featured

Christmas Eve Traffic

2009-12-24T16:13:00.002-05:00

Is crapshit.

Cellphones, out-of-state drivers, the elderly, last minute shoppers.

Swerving into my lane, cutting me off, parking in the middle of the street to yell nicities to people they recognize, not cleaing off their cars so the chunks of ice & snow fall on my car when I drive behind them.

I'm so glad to have the next two days off to not deal with the coming ice storm.

A Long December

2009-12-22T00:17:00.002-05:00

I had contemplated the idea of reviewing a Christmas movie each day of this month, but as I sit here at this holiday party, I realized.... fuck you guys. If you don't know what Christmas movies to watch then you suck.

DROID.

2009-12-08T11:10:00.002-05:00

So, I got myself a new phone to keep up with the times. The MOTOROLA Droid.

It's pretty flippin' sweet.

Now I just need to find out how to watch Metalocalypse episodes on here and we'll be golden.

44 Inch Chest

2009-12-04T00:40:00.002-05:00

This looks AMAZING:

Put Ian McShane in anything and I'll watch it. Except 'Hot Rod'. No thank you.

Wait...

2009-11-29T02:05:00.002-05:00

Both of these songs have made me almost pee myself, mainly because I thought the 'Bing Bong Brothers' song was an original, then the Ying Yang Twins made so much damn sense.

Awww skeet skeet!

Don't go ninjin' nobody don't need ninjin'

2009-11-26T01:24:00.002-05:00

Just watch for awesome:

Now watch that shit get up and executed:

I want this guy on my team.

Awesome!

2009-11-17T16:38:00.004-05:00

You know that moment where everything falls in place in one way or another?

I just had it.

My editing suite is set up, my dual monitors are finally working, my usb hub is allowing me to connect all of my external drives to my computer at the same time, I'm getting a raise, I won't have to live paycheck to paycheck and for the moment my cat isn't scratching the ever-living shit out of me.

And now I'm going to watch all of the 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' episodes that I've missed this month.

Life is good.

Now I bet I'll get into a car accident tomorrow...

Back in the studio

2009-11-14T11:56:00.004-05:00

Recording a song about Goldeneye for the N64.

Check out the new website at:

WTFISTHISNOISE?

There's a link on there for one of the songs that we already recorded called 'Monster Party'. It's about classic movie monsters having a party. It's way better than the monster mash.

The Price is WRONG, bitch.

2009-11-11T11:05:00.002-05:00

I'm working the morning shift here at the station, shich starts at 4:30 a.m. every day. Between the hours of 10 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. on Wednesdays there is nothing to do but dick around on the internet and watch TV. Yeah, I know, woe is me.

I'm not complaining by any means, because I'm currently watching 'The Price Is Right'.

I forgot how great this show is. It may no longer have Bob Barker, but they are keeping with the times for sure.

They just offered a brand new MacBook Pro and an iPhone as their prizes. Holy wow.

And a Harley.

But the best part?

Their idea of a top prize is still a motor home or new kitchen. Or desk set.

Nothing I want to win more on a game show than a desk set.

Heart

2009-11-06T04:00:00.004-05:00

Holy awesome. I want Heart to play my apartment.

Why must the 'Midnight Special' no longer exist?

Plus, what the Hell ever happened to 'Soul Train'?

Songs

2009-11-06T03:48:00.001-05:00

I've been listening to these two songs over and over.

Why?

Beats the pee outta me...

HAHA BITCH! GET THEM SONGS OUT YOUR HEAD!!!!

Should I love this or hate it?

2009-11-02T03:37:00.001-05:00

I need an opinion...

I don't know whether to like Hoobastank now or be offended.

October Horror Movie A Day 31: Halloween!

2009-10-31T05:15:00.002-04:00

The Exorcist

I think the point is to make us despair.
To see ourselves as... animal and ugly.
To make us reject the possibility that God could love us.

That's right bitches, the horror film so full of vice I'm reviewing it twice.

So, looking back on an entire month of reviews, I realized that I can't pass over my favorite horror flick of all. I must give it its due review.

I waited until this movie was re-released in theatres to go see it. It had been so hyped up as the 'scariest movie of all time' that I knew it would have an anniversary release eventually. And it did, 17 years later, for some strange reason.

Quick note:

(via IMDB.com)

Author William Peter Blatty once won $10,000 on the Groucho Marx show "You Bet Your Life" (1950). When Groucho asked what he planned to do with the money, he said he planned to take some time off to "work on a novel." This was the result.

Very cool.

OK, I'm nerding out pretty bad on this one, because not only is it my favorite horror film of all time, it is my favorite film of all time. I've talked to the director and the writer via emails over the years. I've met multiple actors from the movie. I own copies of the script, the movie placards used in the theatres during its release and re-release, as well as a MAD magazine parodying it. And documentaries on it. And a bunch of autographed pictures of people involved. I almost got to have lunch with the man who wrote the novel, William Peter Blatty, but he found out that I work in broadcasting and declined. I almost cried.

Me on the 'Exorcist Stairs':

The 'Exorcist House':

Back to the film.

The movie centers around an actress, Chris MacNiel (Ellen Burstyn) and her daughter Regan (Linda Blair). They live in Georgetown, just outside of D.C. and are enjoying a normal life while Chris films a movie on the college campus. Some weird shit starts up and gradually builds around the house until Regan is visibly affected by it. Then the doctors get involved, saying Regan must have some kind of medical condition that is causing her to lash out and make her bed move.

WRONG!

Regan is, in fact, possessed by a demon claiming to be the devil. And she fucking proves that shit like you wouldn't believe. Some priests , Father Karras and Father Merrin are called in (sequentially) to assist in ridding Regan of her affliction.

Yeah, this movie fucked me up when I got to see it in the theatre in Dolby Digital Surround Sound. I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in the parking lot after the movie. And as soon as it was out on DVD - mine. I waited at a Walmart until midnight when it was released. That is how much I loved this film.

Every year since 2000 I have watched the movie once or more a day during the entire month of October - except this year. I haven't watched it yet. I'm waiting until the end of the night tonight to sit down with some popcorn and watch the shit out of it to send this Halloween season off right.

If you're as much of a fan of Halloween and fall as I am, go pick out your favorite horror film, pop it into your DVD player and watch that shit like you were running surveillance on it.

Happy Halloween everyone.

October Horror Movie A Day 30

2009-10-30T04:58:00.002-04:00

The Blob (1988)

Your meteor brought something all right but if it's a germ, it's the biggest son of a bitch you've ever seen!

I can remember this movie terrifying the crap out of me when I was but a lad, and looking back on it now, I can remember why. There are so many scenes in this movie that will have you shaking your head saying "No fucking way...".

Typical premise - small town, stock characters, besieged by a monster. Cops don't believe the two main teens, find out too late and then the whole town has to fend for its self.

I can't really give away too much here. This is a classic horror film in the sense that it follow the same guidelines as so many others, but with a few surprises. Watch it for yourself. Also, do yourself a favor and watch the original 1958 film with Steve McQueen. BAD-ASS.

Favorite scene:

Can't really pick one. There's this one:

And this one:

Or this one:

All of the Blob-deaths in this movie are oh-so-good, but my favorite and the one I consider the most horrifying is the 'lovers lane' scene. Or the movie theatre scene. Hell yeah.

October Horror Movie A Day 29

2009-10-29T18:17:00.002-04:00

The Return Of The Living Dead

Send... more... paramedics.

To most horror fans, this is not a horror movie, but a straight comedy. To an average viewer who is not an avid horror fan, there's some pretty disturbing stuff in this film.

The plot is basically this: This guy, Freddy, starts a new job at a medical supply warehouse where his boss, Frank, hips him to some company secrets... namely that the military accidentally sent them some zombies. So Frank and Freddy head to the basement to take a gander at the zombies, which have been stored in some barrels containing hazardous gas.

Well, this is a movie, so obviously the gas is released, and starts turning the dead bodies in the warehouse into undead bodies. They call their boss, chop up one of the zombies and take it next door to the crematorium to dispose of it.

Wellity wellity wellity....the ashes combine with the rain outside, the rain soaks the next door cemetery and now there are more zombies.

Freddy's friends are waiting for him to get off of work. Where are they waiting, you ask? The graveyard, because they are PUNK ROCK! Graveyard's name? Resurrection Cemetery. Ha.

The great thing about this movie is how well it combines horror and comedy, as well as a few nods to previous horror films, like 'Night Of The Living Dead'. When explaining where the zombie bodies in the basement came from, Frank tells Freddy that Romero based 'Night Of The Living Dead' off of real events, but the military told him to change some shit or they would sue him. Sounds plausible.

Favorite scene:

Anything involving Tarman.

October Horror Movie A Day 28

2009-10-28T18:41:00.002-04:00

Waxwork

Would you like a closer look?

Mark (Zack Galligan), and his friends are invited to a special showing at a new wax museum in town, which has wax displays of the most evil men in history. After his ex and one of his friends disappear, he gets a little worried and starts investigating. Oh, and when you die in the wax museum, you become a part of it.

There's an evil museum curator (David Warner) who needs to kill 18 people in order to get his wax creations to come to life, and a hell of a lot of great special effects and send ups of classic horror films, like 'Night of the Living Dead', 'The Mummy' and 'The Wolfman' to name a few.

This movie has a ton in common with the plot of the movie 'House of Wax' starring Vincent Price, but not enough to make it a remake or even comparable. Each movie is its own thing, and both are separately good.

Favorite scene:

When the wax figures come to life and the ensuing battle. So cheesy...

This a great any time movie, but it's made for watching on rainy weekend afternoons in the fall.

October Horror Movie A Day 27

2009-10-27T22:57:00.003-04:00

IT

Let go. Be afraid. You all taste so much better when you're afraid.

A fucking clown is the villain! Also, he's an alien!

A bunch of kids in Derry Maine, all being tormented by the same creature, come together in order to battle the beast. The movie bounces back and forth from their childhood to their adulthood when the monster returns. I can't say that there are a bunch of decent actors in this movie, but the job gets done. The most notable actor in the film is Tim Curry (who was also Dr. Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show), who kills it as Pennywise The Clown. Even today the character freaks me the fuck out whenever he's on screen.

Favorite scene:

When Pennywise reaches out of the book. Or when he's digging the graves.

The whole movie is about confronting your fears, whether they be your abusive father, a bully from school, or the idea that you may have been responsible for your little brother's death. It all comes to a very shitty conclusion at the end where Bill Denbrough (the main character) takes his comatose wife for a bike ride to wake her up, and it works. What the shit.

Also, John Ritter is in this movie, but for once, he doesn't ruin it. Barely.

October Horror Movie A Day 26

2009-10-26T22:33:00.001-04:00

Halloween III: Season Of The Witch

It's almost time, kids. The clock is ticking.
Be in front of your TV sets for the Horror-thon, followed by the Big Giveaway.
Don't miss it. And don't forget to wear your masks.
The clock is ticking.
It's almost time.

This movie ruined wearing a mask on Halloween for so many kids.

The only movie in the Halloween series that hasn't a damn thing to do with Michael Myers, this is considered by so many horror lovers to be a fan favorite.

Silver Shamrock, a Halloween costume/mask company is out to kill children by implanting pieces of Stonehenge into computer chips in their mass produced masks. The basic idea of this movie is that a doctor (Tom Atkins) has to stop this crazy asshole (Dan O'Herlihy) from getting kids to wear said masks on Halloween and sit down for the 'Big Giveaway' on TV, where they will play a series of images, set off the chips, and kill the kids. This is so far from Michael Myers, yet so brilliant.

I can't go for a day in the week before Halloween without singing the Silver Shamrock song. Here's a taste:

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Watching Tom Atkins scream into the phone for TV stations to take the commercial off the air at the end of the movie is still kind of scary to me, because you know.... it ain't happening. Those kids are fucking dead.

October Horror Movie A Day 25

2009-10-25T18:59:00.001-04:00

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

That's the last goddamn hitchhiker I ever pick up.

The name says it all. This is a movie about people getting massacred by a chainsaw. And meat hooks. And a sledgehammer.

The first time that I saw this movie... hoo boy. I almost crapped my pants when Leatherface first appeared. Out of nowhere is a man with a sledge knocking some poor fool over the head. I think that it might be the sound effects that make this movie. Gritty and real.

So the plot focuses on some teens making their way through Texas to visit two of the teens' grandfather's grave, which has been dug up. They pick up a hitchhiker who is bat-shit crazy and it sets the tone for the rest of the movie. You never know what you're in for. If you haven't seen the movie, I don't want to give away too much, bu there's a guy in a wheelchair who gets gut-fucked by a chainsaw while his sister just screams and does nothing.

If you're taking a trip somewhere that is a one stop sign or less town, don't watch this movie before hand. Or do, I don't know, it might help you prepare for the crazy that could sneak up on you.

This was a movie that was remade/re-imagined in 2003. It was the first really popular horror movie franchise to be attacked by the Hollywood bloodsuckers that have raped every other horror series, so no one really knew what was in store. The trailer looked pretty badass, so I was set to check out a damn fine remake.

It was not a damn fine remake.

Not long after the movie was released, I was manning a booth at a Halloween convention when this big dude came and sat next to me at my table. He was a nice guy, but wouldn't stop talking about his rooftop garden. After a few minutes, when he realized that I wasn't a cop, he asked me where I could score the finest of cheeba. I told him I didn't know, and that I was from out of state. We spoke nary a word after that, but he wouldn't leave. I didn't figure out who he was until someone came up to him for his autograph.

Andrew Bryniarski, the new Leatherface.

It was so damned hard not to tell this guy that the movie was awful. He was in some choice roles prior to TTCM, like 'Higher Learning' & 'Any Given Sunday'. But he's no Gunnar Hansen (the original Leatherface). That dude is the shit, and way friendlier.

October Horror Movie A Day 24

2009-10-24T18:14:00.005-04:00

Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles

How do we seem to you? Do you find us beautiful, magical? Our white skin, our fierce eyes? "Drink" you ask me, do you have any idea of the thing you will become?

A lot of people will argue that this is, in fact, not a horror film. To those people, I say this:

Have you actually watched the movie?

Yes, it may be more of a drama than a horror movie, but there are so many elements of it that scream horrifying. It's all about Louis (Brad Pitt) losing his wife during childbirth and feeling like he has nothing to live for any more. Along comes Lestat, a vampire, who offers eternal life to Louis so they can have this weird bromance. Louis accepts, gets bored with being a vampire, then they decide to adopt Kirsten Dunst. Well, vampire adopt. So Louis bites her, she's a vampire now and they all talk about how everything is stupid and they all want to die.

While my synopsis may have been scathing and made the movie out to be terrible, it is not. The real horror of this film comes from watching Louis lose his humanity by gradually becoming a vampire and distancing himself from caring. When Stephen Rea & Antonio Banderas come into the picture, you see how far from himself he's truly fallen.

October Horror Movie A Day 23

2009-10-23T18:35:00.003-04:00

Alien

It's got a wonderful defense mechanism. You don't dare kill it.

This is a truly great film. It captures what I would imagine the desolation of space is like. You have the crew of the ship NOSTROMO, a commercial towing vessel, waking up from their hyper-sleep to their ship preparing to land on an unfamiliar planet. The ship's computer, MOTHER, has detected life and requests that the crew go take a look. They do, and guess what? There's some fucking aliens! Ahh! One crew member is attacked and brought back on the ship. They get the eff off of the planet and put ol' coma face in the infirmary. After a while, the alien attached to his face dies and he makes a full recovery. Or so they think. While at lunch, coma face gets mad ill and his chest explodes, welcoming a brand new horror icon into the world.

After that, the movie is just everyone running the fuck away from his chest baby.

Not only does this movie make Sigourney Weaver a star, but it also has Tom Skerritt! 'Memba him?

Directed by Ridley Scott, this bad boy was another horror film to win an Oscar. Not for acting, but for visual effects. It was also nominated for best set design.

I tend to watch this movie rarely, just so I can forget about certain scenes and the timing on some of the scares. It just works better that way, coming back into a viewing refreshed and a little uncertain as to what you saw the last time you watched it.

Favorite scene:

This one!

And it would be impossible to talk about one of the greatest horror films of all time without talking about one of the greatest sequels of all time...

Aliens

That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly.

So, Ripley is the lone survivor of the Nostromo and she floats around in space for a long ass time. 57 years ass time. Long ass. She is discovered by a salvage vessel and brought on board, informed that she is in the future-present and then asked if she wants to go back to the planet where they first were attacked by the alien from the first film. Why? Oh, only because they colonized that planet and now they can't get in touch with the columnists.

Ripley says yes, meets up with the mother-loving space marines and they go beat up on some aliens. See, the movie is called 'Aliens' because there are more now. Plural.

The movie was directed by James Cameron, the same man responsible for giving us 'The Terminator', 'T2: Judgement Day', and 'True Lies'. That in itself should tell you it is amazing. Of course, he also made 'Titanic', not a bad movie, but... ya know...

This is a film that no matter where I see it, I will stop what I'm doing and watch from whatever point it is at until the very end.

Favorite scene:

The face-hugger scene with Ripley & Newt. Or the entire battle with the Queen. Or when they find the colonists. Or...

October Horror Movie A Day 22

2009-10-22T20:53:00.004-04:00

Paranormal Activity

When I first heard about this movie, I was intrigued. A good premise, seemingly well executed and for a basement price. The marketing was spot on: 'You wanna see it? Fine, create a petition and get the movie theaters around you to show it. Or not. What the fuck do we care?'

Well, I've waited for this to come out for over two years, and now... I've seen it.

What a fucking disappointment. Boooooo.

To be honest, the movie wasn't bad, but it was incredibly disappointing. It builds to a great end and then falls short. I've heard all kinds of stories about how producers and movie studios and even Steven Spielberg told them to change the ending. That's a shame, because the ending sucks. It feels contrived and forced and wraps up nothing. It doesn't even leave a cliffhanger. It does nothing in the context of the rest of the movie except end it with no resolution.

What a shame.

October Horror Movie A Day 21

2009-10-21T22:56:00.003-04:00

Misery

I'm your number one fan.

I love me some Stephen King movies. This might be one of the best adaptations of one of his novels. Hell, Kathy Bates even won an Oscar for 'Best Actress' for her portrayal of Annie Wilkes.

So, Paul Sheldon is a novelist on his way home from a getaway where he finished his most recent book. A blizzard hits, he drives off of a cliff and is found in bad shape by one Ms. Annie Wilkes. She begins to nurse him back to health, but guess what? She's crazy. Also, she is his 'number one fan'. She keeps him holed up at her house while the rest of the world looks for him and makes him write a new book in his 'Misery' series. See, she was a little upset about him deciding to kill off Misery Chastaine in the last book.

The movie is all about celebrities and their fans, and how some fans would love to keep their favorite idol at their home, drug them up and force them to dance like a puppet.

Fun fact:

In the movie, Annie talks about the 'guy who went mad in a hotel nearby'. She's making reference to Jack Torrance from 'The Shining', also by Stephen King.

I don't watch this movie too often, but every time that I do, I think that 'Annie Wilkes isn't going to be as freaky this time around', I'm always wrong.

October Horror Movie A Day 20

2009-10-20T03:09:00.003-04:00

The Serpent and the Rainbow

Don't let them bury me! I'm not dead!

Here's another horror film based on reality. Voodoo.

Voodoo is a real and fucked up thing that can buck your mind into a place you never want it to go.

This film is another from Wes Craven (A Nightmare On Elm Street, Scream) that breaks the cycle of the norm and sends you into a place you don't ever want to be. Haiti, for one.

This is a true story based on the stories of Wade Davis . Go try to find a plant that can help cure diseases, turn into a zombie...

I would request hazard pay.

October Horror Movie A Day 19

2009-10-20T02:36:00.005-04:00

I WARNED YOU THIS SHIT WAS COMING!!! STAY THE HELL AWAY!!!! AVERT YOUR EYES IF YOU APPRECIATE THEM!!!!

From the director of Soul Plane. For God's sake.

Here is the only movie I will post a review of that I have not seen and would poke my eyes out even if I saw it while drunk and watching late night T.V...

It is the worst thing that a human being has ever orchestrated... on film.

Goddamnit do I hate these moderate send-ups of horror. Fuck Bo Zenga and fuck mild acceptance of great horror films. The makers of this movie should get slaughtered by the villains that they send up. I mean, there are characters in this movie with the following names:

Pleather Face
Michael Criers
Count Fistula
Fweddy

You've got to be kidding me. Who writes this shit?!? 7-year-olds?!?

Want to watch a horror movie send-up?

Here, check this shit:

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon

This movie is all that I ever wanted as a horror fan. A play-by-play of how to kill idiots.

God I hate the Wayans brothers. They have nothing to do with 'Stan Helsing', but I just thought I'd throw that out there.

October Horror Movie A Day 18

2009-10-18T19:35:00.003-04:00

The Wicker Man

We confer upon you a rare gift, these days - a martyr's death.

This movie is fucked up.

A detective from the mainland investigates the disappearance of a young girl in a small island-based community. The community is comprised of pagans, the detective is a devout Christian. The further into the investigation the detective goes, the weirder and more dangerous the situation becomes.

All you need to know about this movie, if you have yet to see it, is that the ending sucker-punches you. Hard. Oh, and it has Christopher Lee.

Favorite scene: The ending.

It's a movie like 'The Blair Witch Project' in the sense that once you've seen it and it's over, well... it's like hearing a joke. Once you know the punchline, the joke isn't as funny. Once you've seen this movie, you will always know what's going to happen. See it once and remember it fondly.

October Horror Movie A Day 17

2009-10-18T19:06:00.002-04:00

The Evil Dead

We're going to get you. We're going to get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep.

The Evil Dead was another movie that I didn't have the pleasure of seeing until I was in my early teens. I'm kind of glad I didn't see it until that point, because although it is a little ridiculous by today's horror standards, it will fuck with a little kid's head.

A couple of friends, one of which is Mother-Friday Bruce Campbell, go on a camping trip to a cabin in the woods. They find the Necronomicon there. It gets translated out loud and awakens an ancient evil that turns them into zombies one at a time. Only Ash (BRUUUUCE) is left to survive the night. Bad. Ass.

Also, some girl gets raped by trees.

This was Sam Raimi's fourth movie, but the first that really garnered him acclaim. It became a cult classic quickly, making room for one of my all time favorite films:

Evil Dead II

Raimi throw the full-on horror idea of the first film out the window and blends the horror with comedy perfectly. It's slapsticky, it's over the top, it is coated with blood from scene to scene...

They essentially remake the first movie's key elements for the beginning to show where they are picking up from, but they don't use scenes from the first film because they couldn't get the rights. It establishes what kind of movie you're about to watch right away - sorta like the first, but way better.

The running gag of Ash fighting his hand throughout the movie is great, and very much a classic point of cinema history. While Ash is trying to cut his own hand off, he traps it under a stack of books including 'A Farewell To Arms'. Ha.

Favorite scene: Ash losing his mind in the cabin and dancing with the lamp and deer head.

I'm not going to talk about the third entry in the series: Army of Darkness, because I consider it a comedy with a few horror elements. Don't get me wrong, I love that movie and quote it pretty much on a daily basis, but it's not a horror film.

October Horror Movie A Day 16

2009-10-16T19:18:00.002-04:00

Saw

As I've written before, SAW is not a bad film. It brought about a great new villain and a new type of psychological horror, well blended with some gore here and there. Nothing was excessive in this movie, just suggestively excessive. It was the following films that took shit too far.

Cary Elwes had played a bad guy in 'Kiss The Girls', which was awesome based on his nice guy image (aside from 'Twister', but that doesn't count). He waited a few years to get involved in true horror, and he picked a great film to do so. 'Saw' also has a grizzled version of the Det. Roger Murtaugh character that he always seems to play. It also has Michael Emerson from LOST!

Having a villain like Jigsaw is a great idea, because he is a bad guy, but he has a reason other than revenge or being from Hell and crazy. He's dying and thinks that others who don't appreciate their lives need a wake up call. So he gives them one by putting them in situations where they have to make drastic choices as to whether or not they are going to survive.

It is only after this first film that the series fails.

The second movie isn't terrible, but it is a start of overly using gore and violence to make the audience squirm. That's fine for certain franchises, but you shouldn't start a series leading the audience to believe it's one genre when in reality it won't continue to be. 'Child's Play' did the same thing. 'Friday The 13th' did the same thing, but it worked because they made a slasher series even more awesome by adding a second villain who took over for his mama and became iconic.

I can remember the moment that I gave up on this series very clearly. I was in the theater with some friends, watching 'Saw III', when it came to near the end of the movie. It was so convoluted and forced that I actually scoffed at the screen. Then they took two major characters from the first two films and killed them off. OK, ballsy, but don't expect me to come back to the next one because it's going to be too played out of an idea that now you're just reaching for bullshit ideas to keep the series going.

'Saw VI' will be released a week from today, with a seventh being released next year, most likely around Halloween as well. I can't say that I'm surprised, but you can definitely color me not going.

October Horror Movie A Day 15

2009-10-16T02:00:00.003-04:00

Poltergeist

This was the heyday of movies for me. The 80's. E.T.: The Extraterrestrial, Ghostbusters, The Goonies, The Twilight Zone Movie, Raiders of The Lost Ark, and most importantly - Poltergeist. This movie IS the 1980's for me. Spielberg had his hand in all but one of those movies, as either director or producer, and it shows.

It is still argued over who actually directed it, Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) or Steven Spielberg. I have to credit both, personally, because it definitely has the same feel to it as E.T., but Spielberg would have never had the nuts to do some of the things that were done in this movie, SPX-wise and content-wise.

So, however it came together, it works oh-so-well. Normal nuclear family living in the suburbs, but wait - their house is built on an old cemetery. Whoops!

It is not only scary, but a beautiful film that will haunt you. It makes you wonder, it makes you think, and in the end it actually makes you happy.... after you check your closet, of course.

I can't talk too much about the movie or it's spoiled, so go check it out if you have yet to do so. For those of you who have seen it, I give you this:

Then you have the second movie, Poltergeist II: The Other Side

Holy shit, what a good sequel. It's kind of cheesey, but that's how good horror sequels go. So, they move from the first house, but Carol Anne is a powerful beacon that the spirit world follows. This movie has a Native American medicine man, Taylor (Will Sampson, from 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest), as well as Tangina the psychic (Zelda Rubinstien) from the first movie.

As with most 3rd movies, Poltergeist III is fucking terrible. However, the franchise does perpetuate another 'curse' said to plague the production of the film, as well as affecting the cast of the movie.

From Wikipedia:

The Poltergeist curse

"The Poltergeist curse" is the rumor of a supposed curse attached to the Poltergeist motion picture series and its stars.
The rumor is superstition largely derived from the fact that four cast members died in the six years between the release of the first film and the release of the third, with one dying during production of the second film. Two of them died at young ages, 12 and 22. It is not clear that these particular films are atypical in the number or nature of the deaths of their actors, and at least two of the supposed victims had serious health problems before becoming attached to the film series.
The actors who are supposed victims of the curse include:

Dominique Dunne, who played the oldest sibling Dana in the first movie, died in 1982 at age 22 after being strangled by her jealous boyfriend. The boyfriend, John Thomas Sweeney, was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to six years in prison, but was paroled after serving three and a half years.

Julian Beck, 60-year-old actor who played Kane in Poltergeist II: The Other Side, died in 1985 of stomach cancer diagnosed before he had accepted the role.

Will Sampson, 53 years old, who played Taylor the Medicine Man in Poltergeist II, died as a result of post-operative kidney failure and pre-operative malnutrition problems in 1987.

Heather O'Rourke, who played Carol Anne in all three Poltergeist movies, died in 1988 at the age of 12 after what doctors initially described as an acute form of influenza but later changed to septic shock after bacterial toxins invaded her bloodstream. At the time, she had suffered acute bowel obstruction, initially diagnosed as Crohn's disease, which may have been the cause of death.

Louis "Lou" Perryman, who played Pugsley in the first movie, was murdered at the age of 68 in his Austin, Texas home in April, 2009, by Seth Christopher Tatum (the two did not know each other.) Tatum stabbed Perryman several times with a sharp object (possibly an ax) and then stole his car to flee from police due to an unrelated aggravated assault charge.

Other occurrences that have been attributed to the curse include:

While writing the novelization of the screenplay, author James Kahn told People magazine that seconds after he wrote the line "Lightning ripped open the sky", the building was struck by lightning and all the arcade games in the lounge began playing themselves.

Hmm...

October Horror Movie A Day 14

2009-10-16T01:40:00.002-04:00

The Birds

This movie came out in 1963, so by the time I was a lad it was making it's way onto Sunday afternoon television and scaring the shit out of me. Tippi Hedren was a great choice for the lead in this movie. Of course, Hitchcock didn't really make any bad choices in his movies, just misunderstood ones.

The film is about this bitch who wants to impress some guy she just met, so she drives up the coast to surprise he & his little sister with a pair of love birds. Who cares why she goes? Shit breaks off the chain right quick and birds flock to the town and kill a bunch of people. If you've yet to see the film, do so. You'll recognize so many things that have been referenced in pop-culture throughout the years that you'll wonder why you hadn't seen it earlier. Here's what I really like about the making of this movie.

From Wikipedia:

For the final attack scene in a second-floor bedroom, filmed on a closed set at Universal-International Studios, Hedren had been assured by Hitchcock that mechanical birds would be used. Instead, Hedren endured five solid days of prop men, protected by thick leather gloves, flinging dozens of live gulls, ravens and crows at her (their beaks clamped shut with elastic bands). Cary Grant visited the set and told Hedren, "I think you're the bravest lady I've ever met." In a state of exhaustion, when one of the birds gouged her cheek and narrowly missed her eye, Hedren sat down on the set and began crying. A physician ordered a week's rest, which Hedren said at the time was riddled with "nightmares filled with flapping wings".

October Horror Movie A Day 13

2009-10-16T01:03:00.003-04:00

The Omen

Gregory Peck. Horror movie. Awesome.

So the whole idea of this film is based around the idea of the Antichrist and it's rise to power. The old idea that the 'sea of turmoil' from whence the Antichrist would rise is actually a metaphor for politics. Gregory Peck plays Robert Thorn, a U.S. ambassador who's wife gives birth to a son, who is switched a birth by some Satanic nuns with the Thorn's stillborn infant. The child, Damien, is surrounded by people throughout the movie who are to guarantee his rise to power. His nanny, Mrs. Baylock, is the prime nurturer to Damien's increasingly destructive and sadistic behavior. She get him a dog, and it is mean, mean, mean to anyone not Little D or Mrs. B.

Some priest and a photographer keep trying to warn Ambassador Thorn that his child is in fact the spawn of the devil. It takes some time for him to realize, but by this point it is way too late.

What I love about this movie is the cinematography. It sets up the perfect mood for each scene, especially the graveyard scene with the photographer Keith Jennings (David Warner), and Thorn. The zoo scene with Damien and his mother (Lee Remick). The final scene at Arlington. The acting is more than you would expect from a horror film, but back in the late 70's, motherfuckers had to be on their game if they wanted to compete with 'The Exorcist'. You have some really good performances in this film, especially Greg Peck. That man could act the shit out of some movies. I mean, he was Atticus Finch.

As with 'The Exorcist', there was a darker side to the filming of this movie. While the cast and crew on the set of 'The Exorcist' believed they were being tormented by some demonic force, the makers of 'The Omen' felt that there was a curse on the film.

From Wikipedia:

The production of The Omen was plagued with a series of incidents which some members of the crew attributed to the operation of a curse. They wondered if these events were due to supernatural forces trying to prevent the filming of the movie. Instances include the following:

Scriptwriter David Seltzer's plane was struck by lightning.

Gregory Peck, in a separate incident, had his plane struck by lightning.

Richard Donner's hotel was bombed by the Provisional I.R.A..

Gregory Peck canceled his reservation on a flight. The plane he had originally chartered crashed, killing all on board (a group of Japanese business-men).

A warden at the safari park used in the "crazy baboon" scene was attacked and killed by a lion the day after the crew left.

Rottweilers hired for the film attacked their trainers.

On the first day of shooting, the principal members of the crew were involved in a head-on car crash, one of whom was decapitated like a character in the actual film.

Yeah, I love films that maintain that mystery around them, not like the fake hype that propels movies today.

Do yourself a favor and rent this movie on a cold and dreary autumn day. You won't regret it.

October Horror Movie A Day 12

2009-10-15T20:40:00.003-04:00

The Thing '82

O.K., it's been a few days since I've updated. Sorry peeps, I've been moving.

So, you'd think that I'd be either mentioning my favorite horror films first or last, but I thought it would be more fun to talk about ones I love as well as ones that I respect. The Thing is a movie that I have both love and respect for.

First, you have a movie that is set in the most remote location of the planet, with little hope for rescue. You could put a movie at sea, but the audience will always have the thought in the back of their minds that the coast guard or another ship could come along, or maybe they could run aground. You could put it in the desert, but that eliminates hope of the characters surviving in the first place. You could have the movie in space, but then it would be 'Alien'.

Hot off the heels of 'Escape From New York', Kurt 'Fuck Your Mother' Russel & John Carpenter re-teamed for something even greater. I am a fan of EFNY, but it doesn't hold a candle to The Thing.

So, a bunch of American scientists are at their research station in Antarctica, a Norwegian helicopter flies to their camp, shooting at a dog, the Americans do what they do best and blow up another country's helicopter and the dog is safe. Movie over. Or is it?

It's not, that sounds like '8 Below', or what I would assume '8 Below' is about. After their kennel operator takes the dog in, the audience discovers it has a parasite growing it it, 'The Thing' busts out of the dog, or makes the dog turn into a flower monster, err... some weird shit happens and the station finds out that the dog is an alien. After that, some other shit happens and everyone starts getting paranoid that Wilford Brimley (the Quaker Oats man) is an alien. Then nobody is sure who the alien is. It's a commentary on communism!

Go watch it, I have to go back to work.

October Horror Movie A Day 11

2009-10-12T13:24:00.002-04:00

Night of The Living Dead

Just go here and watch the entire film for free!

It speaks for its self.

October Horror Movie A Day 10

2009-10-10T02:23:00.004-04:00

Child's Play

This movie rules. I don't care how many times I watch it, I still love it. I love it more now as an adult, because as a child this shit gave me nightmares over and over again. A possessed toy? Fuck that.

The whole idea is that Charles Lee Ray (Brad Dourif) is a serial killer. He get hunted down by the cops and chased into a toy store where he uses voodoo to put his soul into a doll. A very popular doll that is being re-sold by street vendors ala Tickle Me Elmo. Unfortunate for Karen Barclay (Catherine Hicks of 7th Heaven), she buys the possessed doll (Chucky) for her son for his birthday. Her son, Andy (Alex Vincent), loves the doll and has a very happy birthday indeed. Until the doll begins killing. Oh, and he need to put his soul into Andy's body before time runs out or he stays in the doll.

Is that incentive enough for you to watch? No? Well, fuck you. Here's more.

There's also Chris Sarandon (The voice of Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas) playing a cop who never believes anybody. Oh yeah, it also has BRAD MOTHER FATHER DOURIF. He'll act your face off.

Side note: Out of all of the horror movie celebrities or regular ass celebrities that I've met over the years, the only one that I was star-struck by was Mr. Dourif. I was terrified to talk to him as a 23 year old because his voice had haunted my dreams for years.

I don't want to make this the 'Look Who I met' blog, but I do want to point out how awkward this picture is.

Anyway...

So, Child's Play, being a favorite of mine for years, spawned some sequels, as most good horror films do. The second movie was surprisingly great. I don't put it on the same level as the first, but as far as sequels go, it does a damn fine job at keeping the tone.

God damnit I love that trailer.

The second film is about how Andy gets adopted, is thought to be a troubled child, and essentially trys to be seen as normal. Chucky gets ressurrected and finds Andy, tries to put his soul into Andy's body again, and all Hell breaks loose.

The third is about andy going to a military academy, Chucky finds him again, and all Hell breaks loose. Again. This time, he's trying to put his soul into another kid's body. You'd think by this point he would have run out of time... and also, 'putting his soul' into a kid's 'body' makes him seem kinda like a pedophile...

Here comes the painful part. Bride of Chucky. Holy fuck this movie. It's not bad, per say... it just takes the atmosphere of the first three and makes it all a fucking joke. Also, it incorporates Jennifer Tilly. Fuck.

So, Charles Lee Ray (Chucky)'s old girlfriend (Tiffany) finds his remains, performs some voodoo, he comes back to life, she treats him bad, he gets pissed and kills her. Then she ends up being a doll too.... somehow. I forget, because I hated it. After that, it all blows goats. They bitch at each other, they kill a bunch of people (one being John Ritter... best part). By the end of the movie you just wish all of the characters were dead. Also, where the fuck is Andy? There's no consistency in this movie and it doesn't tie in with the rest of the established franchise. Fuck Ronny Yu and his 'everything I touch turns to shit' hand.

Next, Seed of Chucky. Chuck and Tiff have a kid. It's androgynous. There's the movie. Some killing happens, John Waters is in it, so is Redman and everything is fucking terrible.

It's like a Wayans' brothers film with a horror icon. I could go on for hours about the tagline being 'Get A Load of Chucky' when the movie is called Seed of Chucky. We get it. Sperm.

I could go on and on about the want that this movie had for being clever for having Jennifer Tilly be herself and a possessed doll making fun of Jennifer Tilly. If I ever see Ronny Yu, I will face-punch him as hard as I can and take some teeth for souveniers. He ruined this series.

Upon further research, I've discovered that Don Mancini, director of Seed of Chucky, also wrote Child's Play 1-3, Bride and Seed of Chucky... and now he's writing and directing THE FUCKING REMAKE OF THE ORIGINAL.

Dear Hollywood,

Die.

Wrapping up this rant, go watch the first three and trust me on the last two.

October Horror Movie A Day 9

2009-10-09T03:01:00.002-04:00

Needful Things

Max von Sydow again! It's funny to me that after playing a priest in The Exorcist, in this movie he plays the fucking Devil. Gabriel Byrne is the only other actor I know in recent history to do the same (Stigmata / End of Days). I'm sure there are others, but keep that shit to yourself.

I was able to watch an 'uncut' version of this movie on TV about 13 years ago and it was awesome. 4 hours long, lots of bullshitting between Ed Harris and King von Sydow. I loved it.

One of the great things about this movie is the soundtrack. Specifically the use of 'In The Hall of The Mountain King' from composer Edvard Grieg. I love to play the riff on guitar, but love to watch Amanda Plummer sneak around 'Buster' Danforth Keeton's house to it even more.

The fight scene with Nettie and Wilma is crazy intense for an early 90's movie. Also, they SKIN A FUCKING DOG to cause Nettie to fight Wilma.

This movie is all about the Devil giving people what they want in return for them doing him favors in the little town of Castle Rock. Chaos undoubtedly ensues and a wickedly great movie develops. The book isn't bad either. Even makes a reference to Cujo.

October Horror Movie A Day 8

2009-10-09T02:10:00.005-04:00

Session 9

Holy shit. If you have yet to see this movie, BUY IT. Trust me, it is worth owning.

If you've read some of my previous posts about my trip to Massachusetts, you'll already know my love for this film. We specifically stayed in the town where this movie was filmed just so I could go visit the primary shooting location.

We got a hotel room in Danvers, MA so that I could be near where this movie took place. That is how much I love this film.

Some will say it's a 'thriller' or a 'mystery'.... fuck those idiots. This is a horror film. You walk away from it horrified.

From IMDB.COM:

An asbestos abatement crew wins the bid for an abandoned insane asylum. What should be a straightforward, if rather rushed, job, is complicated by the personal histories of the crew. In particular, Hank is dating Phil's old girlfriend, and Gordon's new baby seems to be unnerving him more than should be expected. Things get more complicated as would-be lawyer Mike plays the tapes from a former patient with multiple personalities, including the mysterious Simon who does not appear until Session 9, and as Hank disappears after finding some old coins.

First of all, David Caruso is fucking awesome in this movie. He's got the same swagger that he does in CSI: Miami, but he can curse! The best line of the movie is when he says 'Fuck Youuuuu....'

to Peter Mullan (Swanney from Trainspotting). Then you have Josh Lucas, the poor man's Matthew McConaughey. Great at being a believable dickhead, but by the end you feel fucking terrible for his character. Really terrible.

Peter Mullan owns this movie, makes it his bitch. A surprise from USA Films, but this independent movie wrecked me as a viewer, and I still carry scenes from it with me. Especially the last lines of the film, which I quoted over and over while in Danvers:

Doctor: And where do you live, Simon?
Simon: I live in the weak... and the wounded... Doc.

Wanna see the end? Here:

I'm going to go watch it now.

October Horror Movie A Day 7

2009-10-09T01:28:00.002-04:00

Friday The 13th

Friday the 13th was a movie that I hesitated to see until my teenage years. Why? Well, like The Exorcist I was kind of waiting to have an experience with it. The Exorcist was one I waited to see until it was re-released in theatres, but I knew that I had to be old enough to 'get' Friday the 13th. There was sex, there was gore, there was Kevin Bacon getting an arrow through the throat. I wanted to be a teen watching the other 'teens' get their shit handed to them.

After finally seeing the movie, I needed more. I had watched Friday the 13th: Part 6 - Jason Lives several times by this point, but no others. I was shocked, well, not really, that Jason Vorhees' mama was the killer. It sunk the idea of a franchise for me, because I thought the brutal slaughtering came from but one un-dead individual. I guess it's good to keep things in the family.

I've had the pleasure of meeting all of the Jasons (minus the guy from F13, but what the fuck do I care about that douche?) as well as Betsy Palmer, Jason's mom from the original movie.

Here's a picture!

Don't we just look like a happy Grandma and Grandson destined for murder? Awwww...

As I said, I needed more. I went out and immediately rented all of the Friday the 13th movies and watched them. Then I purchased them. I actually watched the 6th so many times that the VHS wore out and I had to purchase another. By this time, DVDs were the staple medium, so I just bought them all on DVD. Then the boxed set came out, so I bought that. What's this? No Jason Goes to Hell or Jason X? Scandalous! I had to buy them too.

Hard times fell upon me and I was made to sell them for gas money. Yes, I know, it was a shameful thing to do, but you weren't there to buy me gas so fuck off.

I am still lacking in the Friday the 13th DVD department, but I still have digital copies of them all to enjoy on my Macintosh Computer System.

Here for your amusement is a sample of the original Friday the 13th:

In case you have yet to realise, I can't live without CINEMASSACRE.COM

October Horror Movie A Day 6

2009-10-07T02:20:00.002-04:00

THE CRAZIES

So, yeah... the last few posts have been about new and upcoming releases, but I have good reason. Not in recent memory have I seen good directors and good actors being paired up for remakes. Pretty much every horror movie remake in the past 7 - 10 years has been produced by Michael Bay, which is by no means a good thing. Just because you've made ass-loads of money on your bang-bang, skeet-skeet action movies it doesn't mean you are a phenomenal producer. It just means you have ass-loads of money to throw around at all the remakes of movies you loved as a child, but would never have the nuts to remake yourself.

Fuck Michael Bay.

Anyway, I think Timothy Olyphant is a great actor (thanks to Deadwood and not much else...), and this movie could be great for him. In deadwood he was a sheriff in a small town trying his damnedest to uphold the law while surrounded by chaos. In this movie he's the same character, but instead of cowboys and squareheads, it's zombies. Well, pretty much.

This is a prime example of a good original idea, poorly executed and begging for a remake. It was by far one of George A Romero's lesser films. Did Dawn of the Dead need to be remade? No, but the first 20 minutes of that film were fucking spectacular (and had Johnny Cash for the title sequence - plus 100 on the awesome chart). Did Night of the Living Dead warrant a remake? Well, probably, but it was bad bad bad. If you want to get an idea of the feel of Romero's original 'The Crazies', go here.

October Horror Movie A Day 5

2009-10-06T20:27:00.004-04:00

SHUTTER ISLAND

Two Words. Scorsese. Horror.

Sounds like a winner to me, especially since I've loved all of Scorsese's movies style-wise and at least 75% of them for their overall execution.

It has Max von Sydow! And SIR Ben Kingsley!

And Mark Ruffalo apparently has nary a line in the whole film!

And I used to hate DiCaprio.

(I kinda still do.)

October Horror Movie A Day 4

2009-10-06T20:09:00.002-04:00

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (REMAKE)

I was very strongly opposed to this being remade. You have a well known property that has the potential of being badly marred due to the Hollywood love of remaking every goddamned original concept. They fucked up The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They fucked up Friday The 13th. They fucked up Halloween, and I really wanted the Halloween remake to be good.

It had Brad Dourif!

But so did Bride & Seed of Chucky.

So here it is:

Will it be worth it? Will it live up to the original? It does have Jackie Earle Haley...

I think the new trailer kicks some serious ass, setting up Freddy Krueger's back story nicely. Then again, I've been impressed with trailers for remakes before.... :cough: Chainsaw Massacre :cough:

October Horror Movie A Day 3

2009-10-06T20:01:00.003-04:00

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

OK, so my keyboard at home has not been working for a few days now, so updating has been a pain in the ass. I will try to double up on some posts to make up for missing others. DEAL.

Here's one film that I'm psyched to see. Looks like a throwback to 1970's horror. One girl, one house, a bunch of crazy satanists. Throw in some stock characters like a pizza guy and a best friend and you've got a solid, atmospheric horror film.

Even the music in the trailer seems like 70's horror. That makes me smile.

October Horror Movie A Day 2

2009-10-04T04:07:00.002-04:00

THE SHINING

I give mad credit to James Rolfe for his love of horror movies. Here's a video he did about 'The Shining'

You can check out his other videos, like 'The Angry Video Game Nerd' here.

October Horror Movie A Day 1

2009-10-02T02:11:00.002-04:00

THE EXORCIST

Obviously, 'The Exorcist' is my favorite horror film, so I'm looking around the internet for different videos dedicated to certain films to post here throughout the month to stay active on the blog.

And yes, I realise that I missed October first. I'll make up for it.

New England: Day 7 (Last Day)

2009-09-27T14:30:00.003-04:00

Day 7

We started our day with my girlfriend feeling pretty sick. She'd started feeling off the day before, but figured that it was just the onset of a late summer cold. As it turns out, she was at the beginning of a very nasty sick, but being a trooper and knowing that it was our last day before heading back to normalcy, we headed over to Salem to do some souvenir shopping. We started off at Laurie Cabot's shop, Salem's most famous practicing witch. This lady has been on Oprah, so, yeah. Afterward we checked out a few of the other similar shops, but none had the same kind of authenticity (and most sold wolf/faerie tees - see previous posts).

As my anticipation came to a head, we finally made our way out of Salem and across the sound to Marble Head, the birthplace of America's Navy. Was this the reason for our visit? Fuck no. I appreciate the many branches of our armed forces and their histories, but I was there to visit one of the nation's oldest and coolest looking graveyards, Old Burial Hill.

This place was AWESOME. I would have stayed their all day, but there was a sickness to be addressed. While there, I believe the total amount of pictures that I took was around just shy of 500. All very much worth the time.

Now, the coolest aspect of visiting Old Burial Hill for me was one of it's more distinctly designed headstones, for one Susanna Jayne.

I'd had the same carving hanging in my room at my parents' house for about a decade. I'm thinking of going back and picking that up so I can put it in my studio.

When we were done we headed back to Salem and grabbed a drink at 'The Witch's Brew Cafe'. Well, as many an Irishman can tell you, a Guinness a day keeps the doctor away, which was never truer than that afternoon with my girlfriend. She perked right up.

We finalised our souvenir shopping and headed back to our favorite restaurant of the trip to meal up. Once again, I grabbed the pork roast au just. I need that recipe.

We revisited some of the better bars in the area, spent too much money, then finally got tickets to the 'Tombstones & Trolleys' tour. You sit, they drive, you sober up while they tell you things you've already learned. It was fun, but I barely remember anything from it aside from the tour guide who was also intoxicated.

The trip ended with us going back to the hotel, watching Law & Order: SVU, and packing for the 9 hour drive home the next day.

So, what do I take away from this trip?

- Food in New England is AMAZING. I gained about 10 lbs.

- Drivers in Massachusetts are the worst I've ever seen. Stop signs are merely suggestions to these people.

- I want to be buried in a Salem/Marblehead graveyard.

- On vacation, spend most of your money on alcohol, but not all.

- Do not blow all of your money in the first 3 days of a 7 day vacation.

- Spend the extra money to get a decent hotel room that isn't located in a ring of Hell.

- Take as many pictures as possible, but make sure to charge the fucking camera.

New England: Day 6

2009-09-24T23:24:00.004-04:00

Day 6

I awoke to my girlfriend's unfinished homework. Not her fault, accounting is quite in-depth. I spent my morning/afternoon watching Hellboy II: The Golden Army on a very low volume and dicking around on the internet.

When we finally headed out, we were on our way to Walden Pond. As the NAV-TARD suggested, we took a 'VIA' point on our way and headed to a Subway in Concord, MA. Little were we made aware, the traffic in Concord is trying as hard as it can to mimic Boston traffic. We spent a good hour in Concord traffic in our VIA to Subway, guffawing at our fellow drivers' bumper stickers touting their want to 'Hunt Tourists'. Finally, after getting to the Subway and waiting for all of the locals to wonder 'toasted or un-toasted?' we received our yums and headed to the pond.

Walden Pond is spectacularly beautiful. We wandered the entirety of the pond's edge, taking in the smells of a fresh pond (unlike Maryland) and the sights of untouched and undisturbed wildlife. I could go further into how much I enjoyed being there, but it speaks for itself:

After the pond, we headed back into Salem for some brews at some local establishments, such as Murphy's. In 1995, one of the walls in Murphy's (at the time a CHEER'S bar) collapsed and spewed some of the bodies from the neighboring cemetery into the bar. Goddamn do I wish I was there when that happened. Needless to say, the wall had a better support structure when we arrived. After Murphy's, we headed to the Salem Beer Works. The name says it all. Beer Works.

Following the beer outing, we headed to Strega yet again for some more yums, more booze. After that, back to The Old Spot for cocktails.

New England: Day 5

2009-09-24T00:30:00.008-04:00

Day 5

After a very long night of listening to the indigenous children of Danvers Massachusetts play their hunting games in the parking lot of our hotel, with their cries of 'OUTLANDER! WE HAVE YOUR WOMAN!', we finally decided to get out of bed, as it was best for our survival. I was exhausted.

When I joke around about how bad the noise level was in our hotel parking lot, I am hardly pushing the boundaries of reality. I was right on the edge of calling the front desk to ask if there was a fucking circus being held in front of our room and if so why I wasn't invited.

Forgive my ranting, but this is still fresh in my mind. It's understandable to have people arriving and leaving at all hours of the night when you are in a hotel built right next to the on ramp of a major traffic vein north of Boston. The noises you would expect to hear are those of car doors, room doors, car alarms and locking signals, children whining because they are sleepy and couples getting into arguments due to their road-weariness. You do NOT expect to hear possible drug deals, breaking glass, two or more baritone male (or possibly female) voices screaming at each other right outside your door, and especially the sounds of a fucking people zoo where everyone tries to sound like a different animal at the same time, and those animals are drunk and trying to eat one another.

Vacation began anew. Well, not really. My girlfriend went to the Denny's next door to work on some school work while I decided to take a shower and do some internetting. When I was done, I met her at the 'restaurant', where babies were crawling across tables (literally) and waitresses were seemingly overwhelmed by their 2 tables at a time. Fucking Denny's. We paid up and headed out into the unknown, with no immediate plans to do anything. My allergies were making my face want to jump off of my skull, so we stopped at a CVS for some medicine and beverages.

We turned on the 'trusty' NAV-TARD and headed north, only to find ourselves in New Hampshire (read - Nu Hampshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa). It was there we came across 'America's Stonehenge', nestled deep in the heart of Salem. New Hampshire.

That's right bitches, we hit TWO Salems in one trip. I'm am so impressed with myself!

We weren't quite sure what to make of this sacrificial landscape, but we paid for the tickets and took the ride. Well, the hike. It's apparently the oldest man-made structure in America, made of rocks that have been placed on the ground in the forest. Actually, it was crafted very much like Stonehenge in way that they both align with the sun at specific dates of the year, every year. And Jesus was there.

I, of course, took as many pictures as I could, because that's what I do. When we got to the end of the hike, there were alpacas. I don't see those every day, so I went to take a picture of the one with the funny haircut. Then my camera died. Son of a bitch.

The one thing that I have to mention about this 'park' is the tour video that was in the visitor's center. It was trying very hard to make an area that was all about pagan worship and sacrifice look like wholesome family fun. It was obviously recycled footage from 'In Search of...' combined with some random pictures taken throughout the featured sites in the park. With an overture of flute music.

We left the area where my camera used to be alive and headed south to Cambridge. My girlfriend had mapped out a trip to Cambridge Cemetery without me knowing, so the destination was a pleasant surprise. The unpleasant surprise was that Cambridge is essentially part of BOSTON.

I've already said how much I wanted to avoid driving in and around Boston. But we'll get to that. Cambridge Cemetery is enormous, the biggest cemetery that I believe I've ever seen. We DROVE around inside the memorial gardens for at least ten minutes and didn't even see half of it. It would have been awesome to have a working camera, but as my girlfriend said, God smiled upon her that day. Meaning I take too many pictures.

We exited the cemetery and headed back to Salem for dinner, little knowing that NAV-TARD was taking us into the depths of the beast. Luckily, we only had to make it through two traffic lights in the actual city of Boston, but it took us roughly twenty minutes. Of pure Hell.

FUCK YOU BOSTON AND YOUR SHITTY INFRASTRUCTURE!!!!

:Ahem:

We made it back to Salem in one piece and stopped into Strega, Italian for 'Witch'. Apt. It was Spaghetti Wednesday, so we had spaghetti. And booze.

New England: Day 4

2009-09-23T23:11:00.009-04:00

Day 4:

By being responsible adults the night before with our consumption of finger foods paired with our drinking, we were able to get up relatively early and head out for lunch at Pickering Wharf in Salem. The restaurant we encountered on accident turned out to have one of the best sandwiches that I've ever had the pleasure of eating. Pork roast au just with sautéed mushrooms. Yeah, standard sandwich, but never done like they did it there.

With lunch, as always, more beer to help daddy process his food and contempt for his fellow man. Afterward, more walking. A lot of walking. A stop off at Salem's most infamous liquor store 'The Bunghole' to take a few pictures, just like I did the last time that I was in Salem. Yes, I still laugh about the same shit that I did when I was 20/16/5 years old.

Amidst our walking the streets to get a better idea of the area and the culture, we stopped in several of the 'Witchy' shops peppered between the everyday businesses. Most were what you would think a 'New Age' store would encompass - candles and herbs, shirts with wolves and fairies on them, random skull nick-knacks, jewelery and crystals. These are shops that modern day witches might frequent, but at the same time something was off. Maybe the random interspersing of gawking tourists and DVDs featuring the performances of Kirstie Alley. Maybe the unnecessary love of FUCKING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN A TOWN THAT LOVES HALLOWEEN - I don't know.

Seriously, what the fuck is with Christmas taking over every other Holiday? It should start in maybe early December, but when it does start is... um, April? And it lasts until... um, April? Fuck Christmas. Maybe I'm a Grinch, but it's better than being a Scrooge.

Back on course now - Some of the shops were kind of cool in the sense that they didn't push their 'New Age'-iness at you because they were in The Witch City. They were just business owners out to do what they do, sell what they sell and not try as hard as they can to make a sale. I respect that, but unfortunately for them that is why there are so few. It is a tourist town as much as Gettysburg or Memphis, they all sell what they know sells.

Onward we went to hop on the trolley and ride around town taking pictures of every possible thing imaginable. Houses, trees, cars, etc. I had a ton of pictures available to take and by God I was going to take as many as I could.

The tour was long and arduous. No it wasn't. It was painfully relaxing. We discovered different sections of the town we had yet to explore. We learned that yes, in fact, some of Disney's 'Hocus Pocus' was filmed in the town of Salem.

The Hocus Pocus House

We were informed that Harry Houdini essentially said 'Fuck You' to the police of Salem because he was able to escape all restraints that they put him in and all cells that they locked him in. There's a beach called 'Dead Horse Beach'. People died of small pox once. There's the local campground.

And with that we jumped off the trolley at the Witch Museum, right in time for the tour to start. I had remembered the tour being half cheesey and half creepy with a panoramic landscape built into the walls. It was cheesey. The creepiness... a little lacking. It was informative, however. The fact that they used sound clips from 'The Exorcist' sort of pissed me off (as I've said in previous posts, I know that movie all too well not to catch something like that), but I let it slide.

At the end of the presentation they took us around a sort of museum-esque retrospect of what a witch is and isn't, the history of witchcraft and capped it all off by comparing the Salem witch trials to gay people with AIDS.

I AM NOT JOKING.

After we walked through the disappointing gift shop, we took a stroll through one of the lesser publicised graveyards where Giles Corey, the only person put to death in the trials who was not hanged, was said to be buried.

He was pressed to death with rocks you know. (Side note, one of the security team on our ghost walk asked if we knew what Giles Corey would say now during his punishment instead of "More weight". The answer - "Rock on". Jesus Christ.)

When we couldn't find old man Corey's grave, we ventured back to Pickering Wharf. I kept making Klingon jokes and saying "Numba One" like Patrick Stewart... because I'm AWESOME! We walked the 1/2 mile length of the longest pier in the county and came back to CAPT'S Waterfront Grille for some din din. After stuffing ourselves idiotic with lobster bisque and lobster rolls plus more mixed drinks (wine for her), we went back to the bar from the night before and had more bebidas.

New England: Day 3

2009-09-23T22:52:00.007-04:00

Day 3:

Waking up with little to no hangover at 6:30 a.m., I headed over to the complimentary breakfast and proceeded to drink roughly 10 gallons of orange juice. That's when my body decided 'BACK TO BED ASSHOLE'. And I obliged.

When we finally were able to fight off the throes of 'drank too much', we headed back to Salem, where we took a tour of The House Of The Seven Gables.

You would think at first that a tour site in Salem, Massachusetts with a name like that would be interesting, right. Wrong.

As much of a fan of literature as I am, I still can't appreciate the importance of this house aside from the fact that the family that owned it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay richer than I'll ever be. If not, I'm buying it and setting up shop, putting on an 8th gable and blaring Iron Maiden out of the top floor while people get drunk and fight each other on the front lawn. People can come and watch - for a nominal fee.

After our tour of 'The House Of The Seven - YAWWWWN, WHERE'S THE EXIT FOR GOD'S SAKE HELP ME!!!!', we went back into the main part of town to check out the Witch Museum. Oops, last tour was ten minutes before we arrived - but we could still pay full price to sit in on it late.

What to do now?

SUSHI - and lots of it. There was even a roll called the Godzilla roll, which I was enticed to get, if it weren't comprised of poo poo and doo doo. I'm pretty sure it was.

And what goes well with sushi? Booze. For some reason this was the start of my weird blended drinks phase of the trip. I was pretty set before with autumnal beers and whiskey, but branching out seemed a delightful idea. And it was.

After a little bit of walking around, we decided to take a walking ghost tour throughout the city. DO NOT do this when carrying a 30 lbs + backpack with you. It will make you very thirsty.

The tour was entertaining and worth the money, but when we were done... you know, the thirst. What can I say? Vacation me is like an alcoholic Dracula.

We stopped off at another little bar right next to the base of operations for the tour and had some more drinks with a plate of random finger foods to allow us the ability to drive back to the hotel of shame.

New England: Day 2

2009-09-23T22:21:00.009-04:00

Day 2

Waking up early, we decided to head to Danvers State Insane Asylum. I was excited, seeing as one of my favorite films of all time, Session 9, was filmed entirely on location at the hospital.

After many twists and turns and misdirection by the NAV-TARD, we found the hospital. Seeing it from far away had me about to mess myself from excitement. Up close - not so much, owing to the fact that they had turned one of the most historical institutions in the nation into apartments and condos. Fucking hooray.

I can't say that I was entirely disappointed by this, because the main structure was still incorporated into the leasing office and we were able to venture inside and explore the layout, which was essentially the same. Just the idea of living inside of a place that tortured and disposed of people... well, to me that's kind of cool in a weird way. Maybe some odd stuff would happen every once in a while and a Gozerian monster would live in my refrigerator and cook eggs on my counter top.

Anyhoo... we left and decided to get food, but not without me lamenting the fact that they had relocated the asylum's cemetery and that I wouldn't get to see it. If you've seen the movie, you'd understand. However, my girlfriend, with her keen eye for geographical disruption, noted a small path into the woods where the graveyard would have been. We decided to head down the path for the fuck of it and surprise surprise, there it was - newly restored to all of it's original glory. I wasted so many pictures there...

We left, or should I say, she pried me away and headed back to Salem for a late breakfast. At an Irish Pub.

We continued the day quite drunkenly for the most part, stumbling from site to site and taking pictures. We toured the majority of the campy museums, asking ridiculous questions and annoying the townies. We walked through The Old Burying Point and the Witchcraft Trials Memorial, taking a few pictures.

We made our way through the majority of the streets of Salem, stopping for a drink every now and again until realising the Ravens' game was on. We dashed to a sports bar, unaware that the Patriots had just lost, and demanded to see the Ravens game on one of their billions of televisions. They obliged us and we proceeded to drink. And drink. And drink. Needless to say I signed my receipt at the end of the night 'RAVENS FOR THE WIN!!!' - and I never use that kind of internet/video game lingo in sober town.

Leaving the bar, it was obvious that we needed to walk off our intoxication, but after a few blocks a person becomes quite parched. So we ducked into yet another bar and downed a bottle of champagne. Why? Because it was there and we could.

New England: Day 1

2009-09-23T21:31:00.008-04:00

I've just returned from New England and all of the wondrous idiosyncrasies that come with a trip to such a cultural wonder of America. Allow me to regale you with my adventures...

Day 1

We (my girlfriend and I) leave from north of Baltimore at roughly 11:30 a.m. on Saturday. We head to her parents house to drop off a key so that they can feed our little monster while we are away - typical start to a trip. And it did continue as such until we got to New York. We tried desperately to avoid all major cities due to the absolute nightmare known as 'fuckhead traffic', typically seen early afternoons on weekends and roughly 5 - 7 p.m. on weekdays. Many of you have seen and been in the midst of this traffic, consisting of families attempting to make lengthy trips and drivers just leaving their jobs and driving suicidally to their way home in a bid to never return to their 9 - 5 Hell again.

We failed at our attempt and went right through the heart of NY, well, not the heart... it has no heart. We attempted to go 'over' the city by hitting the G.W. Bridge. The lovely aspect of this is that we got there at the peak of fuckhead traffic. There was no turning back now. Our GPS (dubbed NAV-TARD) had left us fucked by our selection of 'economical' drive. Said selection allowed us to avoid most tolls, but maintain our 'totally fucked' status in the traffic world.

As we passed 'over' NY, the bridge divided into several lanes, one exit labeled 'TO YOUR DEATH' seemed promising, but we decided against it, instead taking the 'GOOD LUCK, MOTHERFUCKER' exit. After that the road became a sensible game of bumper cars. I'm pretty sure we emerged the victor-car since no one managed to touch us, but damned if they didn't try.

We found our way out of Zoo York and into the accepting arms of Connecticut. It was breezy and autumnal and glorious. Other drivers recognized our State license plate's motto of 'DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, YANKEE-DOODLE-DOUCHE' and stayed well away from us. Until we got closer to the border of Connecticut and Massachusetts. Then another driving game began. I don't know the name of it, but it consisted of people deliberately trying to cut me off one after the other and then 'air-fiving' each other as they passed. I'll call the game 'FUCK YOU CONNECTICUT'.

We survived the game and pressed onward, seeking the sights and sounds of the Massachusetts coast. My biggest concern of the entire trip was not that of New York City traffic madness, but that of Boston and 'The Big Dig'. I hadn't actually been through Boston since 1999, but what I remembered of 'The Big Dig' left an impression on me that I couldn't shake. Many lanes of traffic pushed into one enormous abortion of a grander idea. I was dreading the possibility of even coming close to the backup that this potentially ongoing behemoth would cause, so I made sure that any indication of approaching Boston was acknowledged and our path recalculated.

Glorious day, we skirted Boston and arrived at our hotel in beautiful Danvers, MA. At night, there's not much to see in Danvers. It's your typical go-between town consisting of CVS Pharmacies and Burger Kings. Our hotel was aptly situated behind the Denny's restaurant by the off ramp. Minus an alarm clock and people who gave a shit about the cleanliness of the rooms/parking lot/level of noise coming from the random children running around in the parking lot at 3 a.m., we decided not to focus on the bad and simply take the three mile drive into Salem. I'm a big fan of Salem, having been there previously when I was younger. It's what one would expect from a town dubbed 'The Witch City' - every day is like Halloween. There are year-round haunted houses and ghost tours, centuries old cemeteries and burial plots, history coming out of the pores and a TON of bars.

We stopped off at one of the restaurant/bars to gorge, imbibe and generally replenish our energy. Our meal? A large pizza covered in bacon, mushrooms and pepperoni - with a side of beer.

Into The Pride

2009-09-18T20:58:00.004-04:00

I've never seen 'Into The Pride', but that guy is unintentionally very funny.

The Yellow Fail

2009-09-17T02:51:00.001-04:00

Awesome.

Paranormal Activity

2009-09-15T19:57:00.002-04:00

I just posted about this, but they just released the new trailer a few hours ago and I couldn't find an embeddable source. Here is the new trailer. People need to demand that this be shown in Baltimore. Or in my house. On the living room wall. With beer served.

The Antichrist Has Been Born

2009-09-15T17:52:00.002-04:00

And the parents are laughing their asses off.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Sweet...

2009-09-15T17:22:00.003-04:00

I've been waiting two years for this movie to be released.

I like the documentary feel to it. You know it's fake, and it doesn't try to convince you that it's real footage. Unlike this:

I'll still watch them both.

Paranormal Activity is out September 25th, The Fourth Kind is out November 6th.

Of course, I'm not anticipating either of these movies nearly as much as I am 'The Road'.

What Is A Juggalo?

2009-09-11T04:22:00.003-04:00

First -

Baltimore once again tops the headlines for something that shows off how little of a shit Baltimore gives:

ACORN workers caught on tape allegedly advising on prostitution

Whatever. Go check out this web comic. Pretty funny from what I've seen so far:

xkcd.com

And please, if you've heard of the Insane Clown Posse and their fan base, do yourself a favor and check this cultural phenomenon out:

A Photo Journey Through The 2009 Juggalo Gathering

Oh my GOD is it ever glorious. Tell me that isn't a festival of people that you would see yelling at their mom in a Walmart to 'Get Funyuns Too!'

This Mecca was in Cave-In-Rock, IL

Muscle Relaxant

2009-09-11T01:48:00.004-04:00

Aside from the actual games, the best thing about football season?

Not all of the commercials are funny, but at least they're trying. Every once in a while you'll get something hilarious to the 40 or so bad cameo/horrible song/movie parody commercials that come on.

All About Busey

2009-09-10T05:00:00.003-04:00

Why am I still up?

Sláinte.

Bing Bang

2009-09-10T02:11:00.009-04:00

Quote of the week:

'Activia is not just for women, it's for men too. Look, Jamie Lee Curtis is the spokesperson, and she's a hermaphrodite. That should say something.'

- My gender-conscious girlfriend

And with that,

I'm back, posting funny videos and web links and other nonsensical bull.

Like this:

People Of Walmart

Humorful, no?

Not much going on in the Most Deadly world.

Randomly found this video which took me back to the days when I would see movies in the theatre all the time:

The last movie I saw in the theatre?

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Sodomized Childhood Memories.

It was not a porno.

I've been lax on doing any videos of my own since I let a friend borrow my video and haven't had the time to get it back. Donna yuu worries, I'll have some of my own shit up on here soon enough.

In other news, FOOTBALL starts anew this Sunday.

My team?

The Ray Lewis Mafia.

Perfect preseason...

First opponents of the regular season finished last season 2-14...

Chiefs starting QB in question...

The Chiefs suck...

------------------------------------------------------

On another note entirely, here's something that I stumbled upon...

To all my D.C., Virginia and Maryland friends:

No, there isn't any nudity.

Yeah. That's the Room Store bitch. She's a freak.

N E HOO,

More posts later. As for now, I will drink beer and watch Godzilla films.

Dear GEICO...

2009-09-04T19:12:00.002-04:00

Pick ONE advertising mascot.

You're getting on my fucking nerves.

More to come

2009-09-01T02:27:00.002-04:00

I've been lacking in the posting department.

Things that are hilarious right now:

Emails From Crazy People

Entertonement

Get Your Mouth Away From My D***

Oh, and if you can do this, let me know. We'll have a lucrative career together...

Go here IMMEDIATELY

2009-08-27T01:46:00.002-04:00

www.everythingisterrible.com

Everything that I've watched on this site is awesome beyond words.

Iron Chef America: Dance Off

2009-08-24T03:07:00.004-04:00

So I just learned this evening that Mark Dacascos, the 'Chairman' from Iron Chef America, will be competing on Dancing With The Stars. This brings me great joy, because not only is this dude trained in Chinese Kung Fu, Capoeira and Wun Hop Huen Do, but he is hilarious to watch. DWTS has invited a considerable amount of comedians and funnymen on the show, but this guy is a showman:

Aside from the fact that whoever edited these videos had to showcase his expressions over and over to make them annoying, you can see how funny this guy can be in using only one word.

Iron Chef is one of my favorite shows to watch, simply for the chairman and Alton Brown. Join me in rooting for Mark Dacascos in this season's Dancing With The Stars.

Or vote for one of the following so that the terrorists win:

Kelly Osbourne
Aaron Carter
Mya
Chuck Liddell
Louie Vito
Michael Irvin
Natalie Coughlin
Debi Mazar
Joanna Krupa
Ashley Hamilton
Donny Osmond
Tom DeLay
Kathy Ireland
Macy Gray

(Except Liddell, I'll allow a second place vote for him. He might kill someone if he doesn't make the finals...)

Lizard ain't got shit on Bear!

2009-08-23T14:45:00.002-04:00

I could watch this a thousand times and never get tired of it.

Bear Grylls beating a lizard to death aginst a tree:

I don't know why, it's just very funny to me.

I put a spell on you

2009-08-17T04:40:00.002-04:00

I have so many albums by this dude.

Would've loved to meet and jam out with him.

No excuse now

2009-08-17T03:53:00.005-04:00

...to say that you haven't seen it. It's right below. Watch it!

I mean, come on. I know I won't shut up about it.

But come on.

(I'm sick of finding ways to resize videos for this blog. If you're interested enough, you'll follow up on your own.)

Also, there's this (which I totally agree with):

I love the 'wholesome' comics who do Disney/Pixar films who are anything but.

It allows kids to grow up loving their voices only to realize a whole other realm that these guys are capable of.

Patton Oswalt - Ratatouille
Eddie Murphy - Every God Awful Thing Since The Nutty Professor
Jerry Seinfeld - Bee Movie
Chris Rock - Madagascar
George Carlin/Cheech Marin - Cars

There are a ton of kids movies that are voiced by raunchy comics. Parents who think these comics have calmed down to kids moviedom are sorely mistaken. They're just planting the seeds...

Don't mess with Jack's pizza

2009-08-15T21:13:00.002-04:00

Ha.

R.I.P. Les Paul

2009-08-13T14:45:00.001-04:00

You will be missed and remembered.

Bored Bored Bored

2009-08-10T23:50:00.004-04:00

Here's something I just cut together. Nothing fancy.

Day Man!

2009-08-10T22:41:00.001-04:00

I can't wait for this show to come back on.

5 a.m., still up editing

2009-08-07T04:53:00.003-04:00

But at least there will be some new stuff to share soon.

Keep your eyes to the skies.

Or the computer screen.

Websites!

Dave MacDowell - Awesome artist with some fucked up ideas.

Fat Chicks In Party Hats - You'll just have to trust me.

It's official: Nothing is sacred

2009-08-05T18:58:00.001-04:00

They're remaking 'Gremlins'.

The Faculty

2009-08-04T04:36:00.001-04:00

Was WAAAAY worse than I remember.

Bad bad bad.

Good soundtrack, bad movie.

Really bad movie.

Yeah yeah yeah...

2009-08-04T02:22:00.002-04:00

I know I posted earlier about 'Big Fan', but I'm really hyped about it. Read the summary:

Paul Aufiero (PATTON OSWALT), a 35-year-old parking garage attendant from Staten Island, is the self-described “world’s biggest New York Giants fan.” He lives at home with his mother (MARCIA JEAN KURTZ), spending his off hours calling in to local sports-radio station 760 The Zone, where he rants in support of his beloved team, often against his mysterious on-air rival, Eagles fan Philadelphia Phil (MICHAEL RAPAPORT). His family berates him for doing nothing with his life, but they don’t understand the depth of his love of the Giants or the responsibility his fandom carries. One night, Paul and his best friend Sal (KEVIN CORRIGAN) spot Giants star linebacker Quantrell Bishop (JONATHAN HAMM) at a gas station in their neighborhood. They impulsively follow his limo into Manhattan, to a strip club, where they hang in the background, agog at their hero. Paul cautiously decides to approach him, stepping into the rarefied air of football stardom — and things do not go as planned. The fallout of this chance encounter brings Paul’s world crashing down around him as his family, the team, the media and the authorities engage in a tug of war over Paul, testing his allegiances and calling into question everything he believes in. Meanwhile, the Giants march toward a late-season showdown with the Eagles, unaware that sometimes the most brutal struggles take place far from the field of play.

That gets me pumped. I love underdog movies.

I'm off to watch shitty 90's movies (I think I'll start with 'The Faculty') while editing a new video of robots fighting set to Benny Benassi's club mix of Britney Spears' 'Womanizer'.

Trust me, it will make sense soon.

You will only understand...

2009-08-02T04:11:00.002-04:00

If you have seen TRON. If not, -1 nerd boner for you.

TRON LEGACY

Yeah. The Dude is back, with an effin' vengance.

Big Fan

2009-08-02T03:49:00.002-04:00

I tried to find a decent YouTube link but could not.

Patton Oswalt in a movie directed by the writer of 'The Wrestler'?

Sign me up. Now.

I love being depressed.

No, seriously, I do. I have fun with my life and my escapism comes by depression through movies.

Go HERE.

God is good

2009-08-01T18:08:00.001-04:00

Because he allows things like this to be:

When I die, I want that video played on a screen in my coffin for all eternity. Or until the battery dies.